He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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