happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
