Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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