normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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