I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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