if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
