I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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