We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize