A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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