you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
