It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
