We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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