tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize