dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
