A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
