I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
