so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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