If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
