pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
