Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
