drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
