Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
