i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Do vagina's smell?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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