I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
