so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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