all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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