her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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