My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
