I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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