did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
