how can u be prego again
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
