He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize