I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
