onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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