Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
