he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
