Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
