my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
