halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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