I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
