Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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