my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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