the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
