I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
