And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
