my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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