So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
