Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I AM VODKA MAN
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
