My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
