From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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