well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
