I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize