Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize