sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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