I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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