i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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