Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
