the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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