You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
