I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
