Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This is the high leading the old right now
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
