Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
