At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
