please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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