last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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