It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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