Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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