Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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